Big shout out to frequent poster Adawg this morning. He and his wife welcomed a baby girl into the world late last night.

Well Adawg, I know you have been an avid reader and contributor to the Off The Pole blog, but I invite you to now view it as a “How To” manual (or perhaps a “How Not To” manual – not really sure how that’s all going to shake out down the road).

Anywho, while I am extremely happy for you and Mrs. Adawg, I’d really like to address your son. We’ll refer to him as “Big C” for the purpose of this blog.

 

Big C, I know you are not yet 3 years old, but like or not, you are the big brother. And with that title comes a great deal of responsibility.

It is now your life’s duty to defend the honor of your little sister.

If any guy’s gaze lingers on her too long, pimp slap him.

If any guy tries to talk to her, punch him in the face.

If any guy writes her a note…wait, do the kids do that anymore? Eff it. If any guy tries to text or IM her, break his GD fingers until he is ROTFWIA (rolling on the floor wailing in agony). See if that makes him LOL.  Prick.

If any guy gets the audacity to ask her out, burn down his house.

If any guy so much as lays a finger on her, unleash the wrath of Christ upon him and his kin. From you black throne of cold onyx, unleash a shockwave of fury so deliterious, when he opens his maw to beg for mercy, the only thing that escapes is the noxious smoke of his charred soul as he is permanetly unshakled from the mortal plane.

Basically, until you and your father mutally agree upon the eunich to whom your little sister will be betrothed, you are to your sister what the CIA is to the President’s daughter. If you have any questions, your father has all the answers locked up in a cabinet in your home.

 

 

So, like I way saying, welcome to the world, Baby Adawg…and for the love of God – Stay Off the Pole.